"Courage is like a muscle and it must be exercised, first a little, and then more and more. All the really exciting things possible during the course of a lifetime require a little more courage than we currently have. A deep breath and a leap."
—Academy Award-winning playwright and screenwriter John Patrick Shanley (Doubt and Moonstruck)
One of the main reasons people self-identify as “not very good at” something (be it public speaking, meeting new people, going for a job interview, or any number of high stakes social interactions) is that the activity, or sometimes the mere thought of it, makes them nervous. The nervousness itself is seen as incontrovertible evidence of a talent deficiency—the old “if I was cut out for this, it wouldn’t feel so scary.”
Talk to any longtime actor, though, and this notion will be debunked pretty quickly. Actors are paid to put themselves on the line in front of other people. And that’s inherently scary, even for the best of them. Most actors are quite nervous on opening nights and when the critics are in the house, and many actors—even very good ones—are a little bit nervous before every show they do, even when they do eight shows a week for fifty-two weeks out of the year. In fact, if being nervous was a reason not to do it, here’s a short list of all the performers you would never have seen on the stage or on the screen:
George Burns, Johnny Carson, Stockard Channing, Harrison Ford, Dustin Hoffman, William Hurt, Liza Minelli, Paul Newman, Sidney Poitier, Carly Simon, Barbara Streisand, and Oprah Winfrey. Hmm…lucky for their millions of fans that these folks didn’t let a little fear stop them.
Avoidance is a natural response to fear—and a good one if you’re in danger of encountering a mountain lion. But if mountain lions aren’t a big issue for you, then avoidance just allows small fears to calcify into big ones. So, for instance, the less frequently you speak in public, the more likely you are to become nervous at the prospect of public speaking. The nervousness then becomes a reason why you don’t choose speaking opportunities…and a vicious cycle is born.
Actors know a secret that the rest of the world would do well to pick up on: being nervous doesn’t mean you will give a bad performance. In fact, many actors embrace that extra little adrenaline boost that comes with nervousness because it makes them feel more fully alive. Actors have more experience being nervous than just about anybody, so they know it just comes with the territory. No big deal. In other words, actors don’t get nervous about being nervous.
And they also have one big advantage over regular folks—rehearsal. They get to work out their fears in a low-stakes situation where no one but the director is watching. They get to make mistakes along with their discoveries, and practice non-habitual behaviors until they become second nature.
Think about that the next time you’re preparing to walk into a stressful situation and ask yourself: Did I give myself an adequate low-stakes opportunity to work out the kinks? Did I go through my speech in front of a friend? Did I do a mock job interview with my partner? Did I contribute one more comment than I would normally make at that informal meeting with my boss and colleagues, just to practice speaking out?
These are the little things you can do to help yourself prepare for any interaction that falls outside of your usual repertoire. Stretch yourself in private so that you will be more limber in public. And do as the actors do: embrace the nerves as a healthy part of growing.
